ah, Vermont...

Is there a more winter-picture-perfect-wonderland than Vermont, USA?

We have had the good fortune to stay 2 nights in an old farmhouse in Strafford where Justin lives. He and Kat exchange work for lodging in the attached apartment (think gardening in the summer and snow shoveling/plowing, etc. in the winter among many other things).
The rustic kitchen with it's woodburning stove is our Grand Central, and we've eaten, watched movies, gone snow-shoeing/cross country skiing,
and done more visiting.

Andrew, Justin & Harv

Nana even managed to bring along materials for Sadie to have her first gingerbread house experience, and gave her her first exposure to a piano as well.

It's gorgeous here:

We're headed back to MA tomorrow to ring in the New Year in Merrimac.

Family

Tonight was a special reminder to me about what "Family" means.
My in-laws hosted a lovely afternoon and evening gathering with some relatives who had not yet met Sadie and it was truly delightlful.
In attendance were my father-in-law's sister Betsey and her husband Kent - who besides Andrew's Aunt Debbie (our officiant) were the only East Coast relatives to attend our wedding and, I am happy to report, are frequent readers of my little blog. (yay!)

Their oldest and youngest children (Andrew's cousins) Heidi and Squire were here today as well. Heidi and her husband Rich have 3 children. Sadie was enamored with their boys, Brad and Jonathan. Brad is 12 and Jonathon is exactly 6 years older than she - they are birthday buddies! I was proud of how well she took to her second cousins and have high hopes that in the future they will have some sort of relationship. Who knows how it may manifest, but tonight, Sadie was happy to follow around young, handsome Brad and sweet little Mr. Jonathon.
This pleased me in a lot of ways, and it allowed me to engage Miss Alex in a bit of conversation. I struggle a little to remember what it was like to be 15 and a sophomore in high school, and perhaps I'm kidding myself to think that she and I had a couple of good exchanges. She plays cello (very cool) with her school orchestra and has an upcoming trip to DisneyWorld where she'll get to record a movie soundtrack. She also is a texting fiend (like yours truly) and has chosen Photography as an elective course in her curriculum, which she likes very much. She has a general sweet smirk about her that reassures me that she is doing just fine. I hope she knows that her "mom's-cousin's-wife-in-California" is forever a friend, confidant and source of whatever she needs. It might be a coincidence, but I have certainly felt a developing sense of connection to this family ever since I announced that I was adding to it 2 years ago. :) I remember distinctly Heidi and her sister-in-law Susie sitting with me in December of 2006 excitedly discussing pregnancy, baby names, and the like. Priceless.

It was great to catch up with Aunt Bestey & Uncle Kent, whom I see once a year if I'm lucky. I had a good chat with Betsey about the 2008 election and what might unfold with the new administration, as well as some exciting tidbits from her recent experience at a National Bridge Tournament in Boston. She is a gem of a lady and I find myself gazing at her with a specific kind of awe that I can't quite place.
Heidi and I exchanged birth stories and some mutual feelings of reverance and gratitude about full-time motherhood. I can't describe how it feels to share that with someone who has 3 children and who is a member of my family by marriage. It's sacred. I absolutley welcome any and all wisdom, advice, input, etc. that can be shared. Why not? I can pick and choose as I see fit, but I find great value in the musings of those who have gone before me, especially Family.

At the same time I am left wondering how my primary family is doing. My sister Joanne had a couple of glorious days snowboarding in Tahoe, but has to be at her desk tomorrow at a job she doesn't love. My sister Jill has likely already been back hard at work for several day as a Speech Therapist at Valley Medical Center. My brother, his wife and their girls had a delayed Christmas trip to Seattle which I hope went well.

As time rambles on, I think about what Family means. I think we are in a constant state of creating it, manifesting it, and trying to help it flourish. It doesn't come as effortlessly as it should. It's time spent, effort put forth, etc. But the rewards are without measure. That my daughter knows who Grandma, Grandpa, Nana, Papa, Jill, JoJo, Uncle John, Aunt Shannon, Lucy, Annie, GG, and Uncle Justin are is wonderful and so very special to me. The fact that I'm up here typing in my in-law's computer room while Sadie is playing happily downstairs is gratifying in a way I can't adequately articulate.
I can't help but drum up lots of memories of my folks and siblings over the years. I was so well cared for. So loved. So cherished. I hope to carry the same sincerity to my new family.
I am so blessed.

planes, a dog named Sadie and first snow

Here we are in cozy Merrimac, MA with the Evans family.

Our travel on Christmas Eve was not the nightmare I was expecting - in fact, it was quite the opposite. Our saint of a flight attendant spotted an empty seat just before take off and asked our row-mate to take it so that we'd have 3 seats together. Bliss.
Sadie is so busy these days, that I had been dreading the whole lap-child thing for our cross country flight. With a seat all to her self, she was able to wriggle, bounce and flop to her heart's delight without driving Andrew and me crazy. I brought along snacks and some new things (mini tubs of play-dough, crayons, stickers and a slinky*) with the hope that I'd catch 10-15 minute chunks of time for her to be occupied quietly. It worked. She played, babbled, ate, and slept. Andrew got to watch motorcycle races on his laptop. We landed in Boston, had our bags in no time and found both Nana and Papa ready and waiting for us. Perfection! Sadie greeted them with smiles, which made their day.
Once we arrived at the house, Sadie marveled at the beautiful Christmas tree (Nana has Christmas tree radar as Aunt Deborah says) with all of its lights, bows and ornaments. We visited, put out our stockings and got to bed.

Uncle Justin, Aunt Kat and Little Sadie (the dog) arrived on Christmas day and we've had a wonderful time together.

Our Sadie is delighting everyone with her joyful self and we've had nothing but great food, wonderful company and warmth.
Oh, wait...except for the snow. We just missed the below freezing weather and fresh snow, but there is still a couple of feet outside, so we gave Sadie a taste of it today. Nana helped her make her first snowman and I did my best to capture some digital memories.

We have more family to see in a couple of days - all of whom have not yet met Sadie. I'm looking forward to that, as well as deciding what to do for New Year's Eve and taking a jaunt up to Justin & Kat's place in Vermont.
I am admittedly a serious California Girl, but I do have a fondness for the East Coast, and am very happy to have met and married a man from here. It feels different in lots of little ways which make it unique and special.



*Leslie, this was simply genius, thank you.

In Memory of Jenny and Graham.

Jenny's Light

Some of you have heard me speak of this tragedy over the last year. Today marks one year since their untimely passing.

It still makes me unbearably sad, and I am not surprised at all to find myself weeping once again for the indescribable loss their family and friends still suffer.

Jenny, Graham,

I did not know you, but I pray that you are together in peace. I will keep you both in my mind and heart and will continue to spread your light.


Here is the email newsletter I recieved today:

Jennifer Gibbs Bankston

December 5, 1974 - December 19, 2007

Graham Gibbs Bankston

November 1, 2007 - December 19, 2007

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

- Robert Brault

In remembrance and honor of Jenny & Graham Bankston, we encourage you to light a candle today and do something Jenny would want you to do:

1. Enjoy a cup of coffee with a friend
2. Eat lots of candy!
3. Don’t feel guilty buying something you ‘really’ like and would make you happy (or do the same for someone you care about)
4. Take a moment to pet a dog you see someone walking on the street
5. Call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while
6. Sing along to Christmas carols, no matter how bad you might sound

7. Be extra friendly to a waiter, a store clerk or your neighbor
8. Enjoy a nice glass of wine, or two…

9. Smile, a lot

10. Laugh, out loud

One more quote that encompasses Jenny…

“Creativity, as has been said, consists largely of rearranging what we know in order to find out what we do not know.

Hence, to think creatively, we must be able to look afresh at what we normally take for granted. “

- George Kneller

Fresh start, please.

In the past week and a half,

• I burned the bejesus out of my finger and got a blister the size of a nickel
• the Christmas cards I ordered and the complimentary reorder arrived with Andrew's face and Sadie's legs half cropped off
• Sadie got some sort of food poisoning and puked her guts out for 5 hours
• I tried to schedule a check-up for Sadie and learned that her beloved pediatrician has left the practice
• I found out that our seat assignments for our holiday travel were apparently a figment of my imagination and that we are going to be charged for checking any bags
  

and last but not least (and probably what's on my mind most at the moment)

• I have had serious communication problems with three separate friends, resulting in lengthy, emotional emails which made me feel like I am in high school again
  

I'm not sure what the heck is going on, but I feel like my stars are misaligned or something. I'm very much looking forward to a fresh start of a new week tomorrow.

First haircut...by Mom and Dad.

Sadie's hair is lovely. It's blonde, soft, and seems to have a little curl coming in at the bottom. But it's getting pretty messy and it's been in her eyes a lot lately.

I have friends whose toddlers' hair goes up in little pigtails, so I tried that.

Kinda cute, but when her hair is this length,
pigtails are a pain for me and for her!

We've been using cute little clips, but she gets obsessed with
taking them off and putting them back on again.

I'm not interested in the whole "surfer baby" or "hippy child" look for her. I'm also not interested in allowing the first haircut to become some sort of traumatic event for her. So, instead of making a huge production out of it, I decided to buy some shears, watch a couple of YouTube videos about toddler haircuts, and just go for it. I figured that it's like most other things we've learned with Sadie's life adventure so far:
the sooner she is exposed to something
and with the least amount of fanfare, the more readily she accepts it.
No fuss, no muss. Right?
Well, almost.

(Before)
Here are the action shots:

She actually did get a little bit weepy, which surprised both of us.

Nothing a good snuggle couldn't fix, though.

(yes, we both agree that she looks like a boy in this shot - bad angle)

I was grateful for Andrew's assistance - I think mostly because
if it turned out horribly, I wouldn't be the only one to blame!
We think it looks okay.
But I think I need to work on my technique before next time.

Christmas card photo rejects

I attempted a photo shoot with Sadie after her nap yesteray. These are just a few of the dozens of shots that won't make the cut for the Christmas card this year...

ooh, new shoes!

Hey, I can't get to my belly button in this outfit.

I'm not sitting around for this!

cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeese.

.

uuuuuuhhh....

Are we done yet?!

Give it up, mom.

(I did.)
We'll try again very soon. Dad promised he'd do a family shoot, so stay tuned.

Happy Thanksgiving

We have so much to be thankful for this year and every single day. I know there are people all around us who are struggling with one thing or another, so I'm even more conscious of the fact that right now we are nothing but blessed. I am so very thankful to have a happy, healthy family.


And we're both thankful for a kid who enthusiastically eats anything and everything we present to her!

(of course it helps that Grandma is a phenomenal cook!)

My blogging inferiority complex

I am finally ready to admit one of the big reasons that I don't write in my blog frequently. I have an inferiority complex! I have a handful of friends and acquaintances who have blogs and they write really, really well. Not just cutesy, funny, anecdotal stuff here and there (although there's plenty of that) but great, profound, really lovely things. All of the time. It's times like this that I wish my competitive streak/jealousy tendencies would die!
Every time I start to compose a blog entry in my head, I'm rarely satisfied enough to follow through. I literally will get hung up on my opening and closing sentences, my overall approach, my waning vocabulary, etc. I struggle immensely with whether what I have to say is even remotely interesting, let alone relevant or thought provoking!
Back to my complex - my blogging friends write beautifully! Some are downright poetic and truly moving. I also worry that I'll inadvertently plagiarize one of them somehow. A few of them are fellow new moms who are experiencing some of the same things I am (or will) and I just think they are somehow always going to say it better/more cleverly/more eloquently than I ever could.
*sigh*
Get over it, Janine. Right? I know that's what I should say to myself. And I know that writing is like most other things; the more you do it, the better you'll become at it. I have always been this way with writing, though. I remember sitting up late into the night over English homework in high school, too stressed out to even begin writing a paper because I couldn't come up with a stellar first sentence. I would labor so much over just putting pen to paper to get started.
The reason I started this blog in the first place was to document this transition into my life as a parent and to have something permanent for Sadie (and future sibling/s?) as a record of this incredible journey of parenthood. But as I read other people's blogs - even the other "parenting" ones - I'm struck that it can be so much more than that. I know enough not to air my dirty laundry here, but I do see it as a huge outlet for musings on all sorts of things; not just "a day in the life" type of stuff.
For example, I read a ton of really great posts surrounding the recent election, and I feel that I should have put more of my thoughts down about it. I'm certain someday I'll wonder what I was doing/thinking/experiencing during this historic time, and I don't have much. I actually feel guilty about that! Crazy.
Anyway, let me just stop this whining right now with a shout out to K-Lo, Crystal, B.c., Gillian, Nicole, and Melissa for your wonderful blogs (as well as countless others belonging to complete strangers that I've stumbled upon). I'm inspired and blessed to read your words. Thanks for sharing and for providing the impetus for me to get a little more serious about this.

Past and Present

First of all, a belated Happy 90th Birthday to my Grandmother, Harriette. You are such a positive spirit and a treasure to all who know you. It was our honor to celebrate with you.




Secondly, happy 40th anniversary to my parents. My siblings and I pulled off an excellent surprise party complete with out-of-town guests, similar floral arrangements, pictures, etc.



Four of their wedding party members were in attendance; two of whom flew in from out of town. (the women, of course!) So Margaret Ann and Suzy - thank you! Your being there made it so very special. I was particularly pleased to see the pictures of spin-the-bottle from 5th grade. Priceless.


I did some research about 1968 in order to have some talking points during the party, as well as to throw in a little bit of trivia during my toast. When I pulled up a list of events from 1968, I was appalled - partially at my ignorance of some of it but mostly by the sheer number of awful things that were going on that year. I got most of my information from one of my favorite websites, Wikipedia. I came away from it with two main focuses. First, I'm so glad that something happy did happen in 1968: my parents got engaged and married. Secondly, the current Gay Rights/Marriage Equality issue is the Civil Rights movement of our generation, and I need to get involved. But I'll save that for another post.

Election Day 2008

I voted.
I voted for Barack Obama.
I voted because I believe we need change.
I voted because I know that there are people who desperately want to but can't.
I voted because I know that there are people who think it wouldn't matter if they do or not.
I voted because I want America to pull together and get back on the road of progress.
I voted because I want to see strides being made for peace, equality and social justice.
I voted because I want good health care and great education for my daughter.
I voted because I believe I need to protect my reproductive rights.
I voted because I want separation of Church and State.
I voted because I know that it matters.
I voted for Barack Obama.
I voted.

some serious sadness

Forgive me for being a bit depressing, but I need an outlet for some big life/death thoughts and hey, it's my blog, right?
*sigh*
It's been a long year of really sad and tragic events for quite a few people I know. A number of friends of mine have suffered completely senseless and utterly devastating losses lately and it's kind of doing a number on me. I just keep wondering,

"how could something like this happen to him/her?" and
"what's keeping these things from happening to me/my family?"

I'm really not good with the whole death thing in general, and while it's immensely inspiring to see people's faith in there being something greater after our physical bodies are gone, I personally really struggle with what I believe in regard to all of that. I have said numerous times this year "Oh my god, I would not be able to go on if that happened to my sister/brother/mom/husband/child" and someone always responds, "Oh, yes you would. You'd have to, and you just would." Well, I'm not so sure about that. I have an extremely vivid imagination and I've imagined losing a sibling or Andrew or Sadie and I get a knot in my stomach, a burning lump in my throat and tears in my eyes just thinking about it, so I really can't imagine what I'd do if I did lose someone close to me.
I don't want to think about it, but for some reason, I feel like I'm past the point of being able to trip merrily along in my life as if I don't have a care in the world. It's like with each passing day lately, I'm made more and more profoundly aware of (and you'll have to excuse the glaring cliche here) how precious life is.

So there's the lesson, right? I'm supposed to see all this tremendous heartache and suffering around me and then be more grateful for all that I have, right? Sure. I get that. But it still sucks. There, I said it. It just sucks so so so very much that my friend lost her sister and nephew, my friend lost her mom, my friend lost one of her sons, my friend lost her brother, my friend miscarried her first baby, etc. I definitely feel fortunate that I haven't been struck with an acute tragedy (yet?) but I find it very hard to be the sunny, upbeat person that I like to be when there is so much pain happening all around me.
I suppose it just goes with the whole "growing up" thing. Okay, I'm an adult. I'm married, I have a child. It's not about me anymore; I have the ultimate responsibility now. I get it. But I just feel like someone turned up the intensity knob on life. It's as if I'm hearing the refrain "enjoy it while you've got it" over and over again in my head. And I know that's a valuable lesson, but I resent it! It feels heavy and gloomy and ominous. It makes me just that much more stressed about what could happen at any given moment to knock my life off the happy track that I've been riding for so long.

So...*sigh*...what am I getting at? I don't know. This is essentially just a brain dump and a major ramble. I know that we never know what's around the corner for us and we shouldn't take a single moment of our lives for granted, so I guess I just need to try to live life to the fullest and make sure that my loved ones know how very much I love them. It sounds so dramatic, doesn't it? That's just the headspace I'm in right now. And after all, even though I went to a heartwrenching funeral today, I also just celebrated my grandma's 90th birthday yesterday.

Clearly life can be very long and full so I guess I'll try to focus on that.

Must. Do. More. Of. This.

This past Saturday, Andrew suggested we all go to the beach. I was floored and totally thrilled. We've been saying for months now that we need to hit the beach with Sadie, and this impromptu suggestion was perfect!
Here's a short video of her first real experience in sand.

Instead of being slaves to her nap, we put her in the car and hoped she'd sleep on the way to Pescadero. That only worked until we got on the windy part of Highway 84. She was pretty annoyed at being tossed back and forth for 20 miles. Lunch in Pescadero made us all feel better and then we headed out to San Gregorio State Beach. It was overcast but quite warm, so we played in the sand and let the waves lap our feet and ankles. Sadie loved it and I took a ton of photos. This is my favorite:


It was deeply satisfying to sit by the ocean and watch them together. I breathed deeply, gazed at the ocean and my family and spoke my silent thanks to the universe. I could go on and on, but I'll just say that it was awesome to see Andrew playing with her and enjoying her wonderment of the sand and sea. He was all smiles and said more than once that we need to do stuff like this more often.
Check.

Recent Adventures

I'm starting to neglect the blog again, so here's a recap of the last month:

We took a trip to Atascadero for Labor Day Weekend to visit with my high school friend Chris and his wife Janna, who have a little girl who is exactly a week younger than Sadie. It was a nice trip - lots of good food and conversation. Things got a little heated during the late night poker and domino games, but that's normal, right? Tilla and her man (also Chris) came as well, so they and Andrew got their biking fix on Sunday, and we all headed out to Montana de Oro State Beach on Monday. Great to get a dose of the ocean - it was fiercely windy and storm-like out on the bluffs. Good fun.


On the 13th, I played in a grass volleyball tournament in Sunnyvale which was organized by a friend of mine from my Nordstrom days. I had team "practice" with them the prior 2 Tuesdays, and while I anticipated being a little rusty and certainly plenty sore - I had no idea what was to come. My knees were hurting so badly by the second match, that I seriously could have cried. I ended up spraining my ankle, taping it and playing the rest of the day, but it was not pretty. I literally hobbled to the car when Andrew came to pick me up. I wish I were exaggerating. My ankle was bruised and swollen for a few days and my knees recovered in about 36 hours. Oh, and I was sore all over (but like I said - that I had expected.) Long story short, I feel it was the wake-up call I've been needing to push me to make an appointment with a PT to find out once and for all what's up with my knees and get some strengthening exercises assigned to do. I know I'm out of shape, but I'm not ready to be decrepit at 33.

A few days after that, we headed out to Colorado to visit with Meghan, Michael and their 2 boys, Brogan (3) and Kelton (8 months). We had an awesome time with them, as usual. Great food - Meghan is the consummate hostess, and Michael does waffles and french toast like nobody's business. It was total immersion - we just joined their family for a few days; no pretense, no tip-toeing around one another. They are of the "it takes a village" philosophy of parenting, so that's incredibly refreshing. Brogan is an amazingly mature 3 year old (just turned on August 26th) and he did an impressive job with sharing and watching out for Sadie & Kelton. He's got great manners (please, thank you, bless you, excuse me, I'm sorry, etc.) and will bust out with the cutest sentences here and there. "mom?" Yeah, buddy? "I like you." I like you too, buddy. "mom?" Yo. "You're the best mom in the whole world." Yeah - stuff like that. It was a fun sneak peek into what is to come.
Here's the 3 of them on the couch:

We took a trip to Tiny Town, which was pretty fun, too. Since Meghan's and my friendship really took off over pen & paper back in 1992-1993, we thought a picture by the Post Office building would be cute.


My former volleyball coach (the wonderful one, not the evil one) lives 2 streets away from M & M, so Andrew and I took off for a day with them on Friday the 19th. We ended up going to Golden Gate Canyon State Park for a hike and picnic lunch, which was a perfect way to spend the day. Mary and I got to catch up




and Andrew and Jon had tons to talk about, too.
Their youngest son Tim brought a friend, and the family's 2 black labs Smokey and Bear joined us. We took a picture at a great look-out point where you can see the Continental Divide:

All in all, it was a wonderful trip and we feel really lucky to be able to travel to visit friends. We know it's a luxury and there are many more of you we'd like to see, so stay tuned.

Paper Posterity

I love cards, stationery, paper, etc. I have kept many, many letters and cards over the years and I haven't yet found a good way to store them (so I'm open for ideas). I have been trying to keep up with Sadie's baby book, but saving all of her birthday cards doesn't seem practical.
This picture was taken by a professional - one of the dads from our mom's group - at the giant joint birthday party we had at the end of July. I thought this would be a good way to save it.
Here's a shot of most of the rest that she received:

I still haven't decided if I should keep them or not. Have I mentioned that I'm not the best decision maker?

Chess, anyone?

Sadie seems to really like this giant chess set at Santana Row in San Jose.
Today was the second time we've been there and she got right into it - moving the pieces around, etc. (the last time we had to steer clear of some older boys who were kicking the pieces all over the place and generally wreaking havoc - nice, eh?)
I don't like to hang out here normally, because while it is lovely, it's uber-trendy and just kind of ridiculous (I mean, the list of shops reads like Rodeo Drive) The people there on average are...well...the kind of people who let their kids kick chess pieces all over the place! However, there are a few stores that I like there including H&M, so I make the rounds every once in a while.
Anyway, Sadie had a ball for a good 20 minutes at this chess set while I chatted with a very friendly Chinese woman whose 2 kids were also in the mix. People stopped to watch the kids tottering around and there were a particularly funny few moments when Sadie started following a very snappily dressed little girl (pink & brown houndstooth toe-up, including a little beret). Sadie kept signing "hat" and even tried to take it off at one point! Here she is going for the grab:

Thankfully, she listened and obeyed when I told her not to take it.

By the way, if anyone wants to volunteer to teach Sadie how to play chess someday, have at it. I certainly don't have the patience for it. Just ask my friend Fabio who tried to teach me in college. I think one of the only times I found him speechless was when I cleared the board with a single sweep of my arm. Hey - I'm the first to admit that I don't like learning new things if I'm not able to be really good at them right away. I blame my intelligent, athletic and competitive family tree!

Extreme close-up!

Thanks for this fun shot, Aunt Joanne!
We love you.

These Little Feet

Sadie's been kind of obsessed with shoes lately. It's one of the words she knows both verbally and in sign language and she just likes to say it. She will bring me one of hers, one of mine, or even one of Andrew's, and proudly announce, "shooz!"
Tonight was the first time she took an interest in my flip-flops, which I thought was pretty amusing, seeing that I pretty much live in them.
I got to thinking about her feet. They are big (long) which seems to be an indication of her height, and they are prone to sweatiness, which she definitely got from me. My feet were a size 10 by some point during high school and grew almost a full size after my two year stint working at Nordstrom a few years ago. I don't like having such big feet, but I do like being taller than the average woman, so I don't complain. I wonder if Sadie will feel that way?
I wonder if she'll live in flip-flops the way I do? I wonder if she'll like having lots of fun, fashionable shoes or just a few essentials? Mostly, I wonder where she'll walk in her shoes. Where will these little feet wander in the world? There's no way to know. For now, I'll just dream of all the countless steps that lay before her.
Lucky little feet.