Tuesday, November 17, 2009

snuggle-icious

A request I've been getting from Sadie a lot lately is, "Can we have a little snuggle?"

Music to my ears.

I try to drop anything I'm doing and indulge her (and myself), because I know this time is fleeting. Sometimes it's just a few seconds, but other times, like this morning - it was the better part of half an hour that she just wanted to be held on the couch, wrapped in her "cozy" blanket, with a few of her stuffed animal friends. Heaven. She didn't talk much, but she let out several deep sighs and she looked straight into my eyes and grinned a bunch of times too. I smoothed her hair and kissed her head over and over and over. I was so glad that we didn't need to be anywhere.
I don't know why she needed such an extended snuggle today, but I was more than happy to partake. I hope with all of my might that moments like those get cemented somewhere deep within her little psyche so that she will always, always know how loved and cherished she is. I feel confident that I'll never forget how this love feels, but what if she does?

This brings me to my musings about how little time we have together - just the two of us & Daddy - before Bun arrives in the Spring. I know there is plenty of potential to over-think and over-analyze the situation. I also know there are numerous books on the topic of how to handle the introduction of a new sibling to a toddler. I haven't gone there yet. I'm just trying to hold onto the way things are, while consistently reminding her about the baby in a positive, excited way. So far, she seems genuinely happy about becoming a big sister. She says matter-of-factly, "it's a girl baby, Mama" no matter how many times I tell her "well, it could be a boy baby in there. We don't know yet - it will be a surprise for us." She usually continues by saying "I will hold her in my lap, and look at her." Really cute. Lately she's been seeing things in stores and saying "oh! the baby will like this! Shall we get it for a present for her?" It all seems a little too good to be true. I'll take it for now, but as Andrew says, "It's really sweet, but let's hope she still feels that way when she has to deal with a new baby 24/7."

One of my best friends, M, admitted to me once that she cried earnestly the night before her second son was born because she was overcome with emotion about how this was going to change her relationship forever between her and her first son. Admittedly, M is one of my "mom guru" friends whose every word about motherhood is like gold to me, but I remember thinking how interesting this particular admission was and how undoubtedly true it must be for many moms. And yet I don't think I'd ever heard anyone say it before.

Until today.
I came across an article in my online subscription to Mothering magazine entitled "And Baby Makes Four". I thought I'd mostly heard it all, and it basically always boiled down to one point: you don't know how you're going to love another child as much as #1, but somehow in that magical mother way, you just do.

While I believe that, I also know that the adjustment is real, and it is a big change for all involved, no matter how you slice it. Here's one nugget that I'd like to share from the article, written by Natalia Swenson Parker of Ellensburg, WA.
  • I don't think there's enough good literature that effectively addresses how difficult it is to lose the dyadic relationship between a mother and her firstborn. It's painful-for both of you-to lose the exclusivity that, up until now, has been a hallmark of your entire time together. Feeling sad about this loss is normal, and doesn't mean that you love your second child any less than you love your first. Grief over the loss of the past is to be expected and permitted at such a time of major adjustment.
Amen, sister. I know I'm headed for these feelings in a major way - technically, I'm already feeling them! So, I'm glad to have this logic implanted early.
It may sound ludicrous to many that the mother of a newborn baby might need to grieve anything, but if you ask me, it's just one more real example of how complex of a life change motherhood is, and how important it is to allow new moms to have their feelings - whatever they may be - instead of expecting them to be full of nothing but ethereal, unwavering bliss.

For now, I am going to focus on savoring my one-on-one time with Sadie. Soaking up this snuggling phase she's into right now is just about perfect.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

The end of an era...

Tonight I sent an email to my 3 siblings that has left me a little sad. I made something official that-although we are all in agreement on-feels like a surrender of sorts.

We will not be throwing our annual Saunders Christmas Party this year.

We've been co-hosting this event with the support and generous hospitality of our parents for 15 years. Well, this would have been the 15th year, anyway.

There are a handful of reasons why it doesn't make sense for us to have it anymore - one of them being the fact that Joanne will still be in New Zealand next month. In fact, she likely won't be home until next Fall, but that's a whole 'nother bag of beans.
It's actually been a bit of a feat to pull off for the last few years, and Jill has been wanting to throw in the towel on it for some time. She's graciously gone along with it and helped in every aspect, though, for which I am grateful. John's familial obligations have dwarfed his involvement in party prep for a few years now, but he's always come through (with coolers, driveway lighting, extra bins for trash & recycling, and usually way too much beer & alcohol) on the morning of the party.

Between the four of us, our guest list has swelled into the triple digits and at this point, the guests' ages span four generations.
I have looked forward to seeing familiar faces each year, and I am almost positive that I've met someone new every year, too. Last year we raised our glasses to toast the engagement of a couple who met at our Christmas party only a couple of years before.

We've popped bottles of champagne and had Beirut tournaments.
We've run out of food & ordered pizzas.
We've had fires in the fireplace and put floating candles in the pool.
We've served Skippy and Puppy Chow.
I've worn heels some years and slippers other years.
Each year we collected donations for Sacred Heart Services.

I guess I could go on and on. I just wanted to acknowledge the end of an era of sorts. It had to happen sometime, I suppose, and life will go on just fine. But, I'll miss it.

And we never got around to executing Joanne's idea of wearing really bad Christmas sweaters!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

where's my baby belly?


um....yeah. I'm over 5 months pregnant now and I still only have my little, mushy post Sadie belly that I lovingly refer to as my "buddha".
I'm one of those women who loved being pregnant and looked forward to doing it again. I was thrilled to continually hear the conventional wisdom that "you pop out immediately when you get pregnant a second time". I couldn't wait.
Well...
WHERE'S MY BELLY?!
I even went and bought one of those dippy shirts that says "expecting". I'm glad there weren't any "I'm not fat. I'm pregnant." ones (which I have always detested) because I can't be totally sure that wouldn't have bought one of those, too!
I know, I know - I'm saving lots of money on maternity clothes and I should enjoying this time and be glad that I'm not enormous and uncomfortable, blah blah.
But I want my baby belly! I want it. There, that's all.
Okay, I'm done whining.

Friday, November 6, 2009

some shots from our Halloween 2009

Our Jack O'Lanterns

Sadie at a Halloween Event


Sadie Trick or Treating; pretending to be scared


Our costume for my cousin's engagement party

get it?


The Happy Couple - Medusa and Santa!


a pre-Halloween trip to the ER

Sadie got mysteriously sick last Friday. It started with her losing her lunch (in the car, which was pretty horrendous) and I figured she'd just eaten something that didn't agree with her. So I didn't think too much of it when I gave her some water while we were waiting for Andrew's car to get detailed and she threw that up with the rest of lunch. I thought, "okay, that's the rest of it; I'll let her rest and give her some Pedialyte when we get home."
Well, less than an hour after that, when the car was done, she threw up again. At this point, there was nothing left in her stomach, but I covered the backseat with plastic anyway and had to pull over twice on the way home to wipe her mouth & brow and promise her we'd be home soon and that she'd be okay.
I decided to keep a log of how often she was throwing up and quickly realized we had a problem on our hands. She started throwing up every 15 minutes like clockwork and was clearly exhausted, frustrated, and generally miserable. I know that dehydration is a huge worry for little ones, so I called the advice nurse to ask when I could start giving her sips of Pedialyte. After hearing all of my responses to the litany of questions they ask, she wanted to get the doctor's opinion and the consensus was that we were to bring her to the ER. I certainly wasn't going to argue with her, but it did seem a little extreme, since her one and only symptom was vomiting. She had no fever, no diarrhea, no rash, she was not limp, listless, non-responsive or blue in the face. (Mind you, I was glad to answer "no" to all of these things, but I was thinking "jeez, lady - I'd be at the ER already if she was floppy and discolored!!!")
Anyway, it was clear that she was indeed dehydrated and would likely need an IV for fluids. We left for the hospital the minute Andrew got home from work and were processed very quickly. Meanwhile, poor Sadie was still on her 15 minute regimen. Awful.
The nurse failed an IV on one hand, so he had to do the other side, which sucked but Sadie was very brave. We distracted her as best we could and then she said "ow! ow! ow! ow! ow! ow! OW!" and cried a little while he jabbed the needle into her vein and squeezed her arm to take blood samples and taped the splint on, etc. She never pulled away or screamed or thrashed or anything. Talk about trust. Amazing.
When the doctor finally made his appearance, his best guess at a diagnosis was that it was intussusception, and immediately ordered a fluoroscopy enema procedure to get x-rays of her intestines. So, she had to endure that. Thank God Andrew was with us, because I couldn't stay with her for that-since pregnancy and radiation don't mix. Once again, she handled it amazingly well. The radiologist was floored. She told us that whenever she gets these cases and hears that the patient is 2 or 3 years old, she just cringes because she knows what's coming. She says she has a quick meeting with the parents to let them know what they're in for (screaming, the child having to be held down, etc.) We had nothing like that. Sadie squirmed (of course) at first and then when they filled her with the fluid, she said "take it out, take it out, take it out!" but she didn't need to be held down or anything. She did throw up again during the procedure, so the doc ordered some anti-nausea medication for her IV.
Once that kicked in, we finally were able to give her a few sips of Pedialyte every 5 minutes. Poor thing was completely parched. She'd been asking us for water for almost 5 hours at this point! Thankfully, she kept that down, but the doctor was only cautiously optimistic. The anti-nausea medication he gave her was very strong, so he wasn't surprised that she wasn't throwing up the Pedialyte. He released us on the condition that if she threw up once the medication wore off, that we'd bring her straight back in. He was baffled that the test results/x-rays of her belly came back negative. He said her symptom(s) were completely consistent with an intussusception diagnosis. He told us he was surprised but relieved, as it's a pretty serious condition which very frequently requires surgery. He apologized for not having an answer for us, but honestly, we didn't care - as long as she was feeling better! In fact, once the Pedialyte hit her system, she perked up considerably. She even started goofing around, making a "scared Halloween face". I happened to have my camera in my bag, so we got these shots:




Crazy kid. She's such a nut.
She slept the whole night through and had low energy & appetite for 48 more hours, but by Monday night she was 100% back to normal.
1st ER trip down! YES!