Friday, March 18, 2011

Harriette Audelle Saunders 1918 - 2011

March 3rd, 2011

My sweet Grandmother, known lovingly as "GG" to my girls, passed away this morning.

We are all tremendously sad. She was truly a remarkable lady.

I already miss her so much. I miss her voice. I miss her perfume. I miss her soft, manicured hands. I miss her lovely white hair.

I know I will always miss her.

I will miss the sounds of her cuckoo clock and her grandfather clock. The deep softness of her couch. The beauty and serenity of her garden.

She was so strong. So vibrant. So sharp-witted. She lived on her own and drove herself around until very recently and had standing appointments to get her hair and nails done. She remembered everyone's birthdays. She gave wonderful hugs and kisses. She had a throw pillow that said "if I'd known having grandchildren was this much fun, I would have had them first", which she gave to my mom a few years ago. She was both thrilled and incredulous at being a great-grandmother.

She said things like "Oh, for Heaven's sake", "Isn't that neat?" and "Gee, whiz." She could use her fingers in her mouth to whistle louder than anyone I know. She called everyone "honey". She always had a box of See's candy on the table, a bowl of M&Ms out and a basket of Beanie Babies in the corner. She had beautiful handwriting. She was a lefty. She was a lady. She wore pantsuits and blouses and things with embroidery. She put out unique and whimsical decorations for every holiday. She loved and collected teddy bears. She liked to watch Jeopardy. She wore a heart locket necklace with pictures of her two children in it. She liked the chicken club sandwich from Jack-in-The-Box. She enjoyed watching the birds in her garden, especially hummingbirds. She liked wind chimes. She loved Spring. She was genuinely clever and had a great sense of humor. She would sometimes close her eyes and clasp her hands together in delight when she laughed. She loved to hear anything we had to tell her about our lives. She was upbeat and positive and always smiling. She and her late husband, my Grandpa Fred, called each other "pal".

It was my honor and privilege to be her granddaughter. Whenever we visited her, she always said how lucky she was. I think we're the lucky ones.

FRIDAY, MARCH 17, 2011 - a wee bit o' fun


Saint Patrick's Day
I've been feeling rather gloomy lately. Between the utter devastation and ongoing crisis in Japan, the murderous wrath of Qaddafi in Libya, and my grandmother's stroke 11 days ago, I just feel like I'm in a bit of a tailspin of negative emotions.

While my girls are allowed to be blissfully unaware of the tragedies in the world, I'm having a hard time falling asleep at night - much like I did for many weeks after 9/11.

I allowed Sadie to watch a bit of CNN with me last Friday and I think I said "Oh my God" about 10 times in ninety seconds as the images and footage of the earthquake and tsunami flashed on our T.V. screen - so much for keeping that phrase out of her vocab. I did my best to explain what had happened there, and her eyes widened as she gasped, "oh no! we have to save the world!" If only, kiddo.

Luckily I don't have to look far to find a little bit of joy.

This morning it came in the form of a mischievous leprechaun who turned Sadie's eggs and Lilah's yogurt green. When we arrived at preschool, we were informed that some leprechauns had gotten into their paint and scampered about!

then there were Irish dancers to watch, which Lilah loved:
my little lucky charms:

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Threenager

I heard this term not too long ago (I forget where) and it made me laugh out loud because, well, it fits:

Mercurial mood swings? Check.
Answering "I know" to almost everything I try to tell her? Check.
Wanting to wear my make up? Check.
Slow as molasses in the morning when we need to get out the door? Check.
Big opinions on what she'll wear or not wear? Check.
Experimenting with attitude and talking back? Check.

So...three and a half is proving to be pretty interesting around here. We've been having more battles than I'm comfortable with, so I'm trying to take a few steps back and examine where my frustration and lack of patience is stemming from. I mean, what do I care if she feels the need to repeat "hair ball" fifty times because it gives her the giggles? Who cares if my hair gets messed up by letting her brush it? Why not get the playdoh out every single day if she's asking for it?

Lately I am feeling the need to grab my girls, hold them close and soak in every nuance of their ages. It's all so fleeting. Lilah is closing in on a year (how did that happen?!) I sometimes can get so caught up in trying to keep crumbs off the floor and sticky fingers out of hair that I'm afraid I could be missing the truest nature of this precious time when they are little.

Everyone and I mean everyone says "enjoy them while they're young!" and for some reason that chipper bit of advice can sometimes really stress me out. Like, how dare I have any moments in which I'm not swooning over my children?

True story at Ann Taylor Loft a couple of weeks ago:

Woman: Oh, your girls are so beautiful.
Me: thank you!
Woman: Mine is all grown up.
Me: how old is yours?
Woman: Seventeen.
Me: Seventeen. What's that like?
Woman: Heartbreaking.
Me: (lump forming in throat) Oh...why?
Woman: Well, we just...we just used to be so close. And don't get me wrong, we have no real problems. We love each other very much. We just aren't...well, we just don't share as much or talk to each other as much anymore.
Me: (voice cracking, looking for box of tissues) Oh, that's my nightmare. I don't want that day to come. Ever.
Woman: (not unkindly) Oh, it will. But you have time. Now when my daughter asks me what I want for my birthday or Mother's Day, I tell her 'a hug' and I really mean it.
Me: (bursting into tears) Oh! Oh, that's so sad! Oh, that makes me so sad! I'm sorry...
(awkwardly making my way out of the store)

Now, some of my long time friends might think, "Aha! There's the weepy, cry-at-toilet-paper-commercials girl I've known forever!" and it's entirely possible that perhaps my hormones have all finally regulated back to their normal state and this will be happening on a regular basis again, but I think I'd better get a grip. Quickly.

I found myself explaining to a friend last night that it seems like Sadie is in a transition from being a toddler who needs to everything to be managed for her to a child who has opinions and ideas that need to be heard, respected and honored. It's a tough one, because her behavior vacillates greatly so I have to be really on the ball at all times in order to deal with her in a way that I can feel okay with and that is fair to her. Like, I have to be okay with letting her slither off the couch onto the floor while she pretends to be Ariel the Little Mermaid, but I have to lay down the law when she starts flopping and bouncing next to her 93 and a half year old great-grandmother or 11 month old sister.

This is about the age when children start to have a few lasting memories, and I'd really like them to be positive ones in which she feels carefree and cherished rather than ones where she feels rebuked and stifled. Just writing that feels bizarre. I mean, my God -- I love these children more than life itself and I want absolutely nothing but the best for them and yet I'm already worried about their lasting memories of me? See what I mean? I need to get a grip and lighten up. I've got a long way to go!