Monday, May 17, 2010

2 years, 8 months and 9 days


That's the age difference between Sadie and Lilah.

I know I read somewhere in a child development book that 2 and a half years is a great age difference to aim for when having a second baby. I guess the emotional and cognitive stages that the older child is in by then are the most conducive to introducing a sibling. In our case, it seems accurate.

Everyone says that the minute you have your second child, your first child seems like a giant. So true. The first time I picked Sadie up after having Lilah, I experienced that mind warp. I had carried her into her room and tucked her into bed on the eve of her sister's birth, and about 24 hours later, she climbed onto my lap and leaned (towered) sweetly over the tiny bundle who had joined our family.

Now as I sit on the couch nursing Lilah, I marvel at my big girl as she bounds around the room pretending to be a jaguar or a butterfly, or "reading" books or narrating as she plays with her toys. Her vocabulary continues to astound me and Andrew, as does her imagination and creativity. Just yesterday I bought her a couple of plastic figurines of her choosing: a horse and a T-Rex, whom she promptly named Skork and Morla. She's particularly creative with names, which was super funny when we were trying to come up with names for Bun.

I am so grateful that she's so verbal and communicative. I don't know what I'd do if she was too young to express herself or let us know what she is thinking or feeling. Certainly this transition would be about a thousand times more difficult, which would be no fun for anyone. She also has lots of empathy and concern for Lilah - something that a younger child might not be capable of. When Lilah cries, Sadie says "maybe she needs some mama's milk" or "maybe her guts aren't feeling good". She calls her honey and sweetie and Lilah-kins and says "it's okay, baby. Mommy's coming."

We are still getting to know Lilah. She's a very different infant than Sadie was, and we are adjusting to her preferences - especially when it comes to sleep. She seems to hate being swaddled, so we have stopped that for now. It makes putting her down a bit trickier, but it was breaking my heart to see her struggle and cry. She's very vocal (aka a bit of a screamer...yikes) so we're trying very diligently to figure out what she prefers so that she gets her needs met and can trust our intentions when we're soothing her. She is starting to coo and gurgle and smile more, which is awesome. It's so rewarding, especially after some intense crying.

At this moment, both girls are in Sadie's room, where big sister is "reading" to little sister. It will be a while before they can play together or talk to each other, but I really hope that their age difference will remain "just right" for their relationship. So far, so good.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Adjustment to Two - ha ha ha ha!

This whole Mom of Two thing has got me spinning a little bit. Sometimes I just start laughing.

Like today at the park as I'm putting Sadie's sunscreen on so that she could play safely on the playground where I can keep my eye on her while I nurse Lilah, when I hear the unmistakable squirt of a diaper malfunction & the ensuing cry of an infant who needs to be changed-like, now.

Or when I'm packing up to leave the house and I'm somehow balancing two diaper bags, the carseat with Lilah in it, one of Sadie's dolls/blankets/toys, my coffee, keys, purse and cell phone as I squeeze out the back door - hoping I don't drop something or worse - trip.

I mean, I'm not completely scrambling around getting nothing done, but I do feel a constant pull in different directions - toward my talkative, inquisitive toddler who needs her hair brushed and shoes tied and comes up with questions like "what do llamas eat?" out of thin air - and toward my tiny one month old, who just needs to nurse, be held, sleep and have a clean diaper.

I'm one of four siblings and I know this is basically the mother of all cliches (pun intended) but seriously - "how did she DO it?" It rings in my head several times daily. I know some people hypothesize that it was somehow easier 35+ years ago, but I don't care what anyone says about the convenience of disposable diapers or automatic swings, etc. - caring for more than one small child is not easy. Not. Easy.

Did I say impossible? No.
Has it made me reconsider our original plan to have three? Yes.

Can I handle it? Well, that's what I'm doing so far. Check back in on me to see how I'm doing and I'll let you know. ;)

One thing I know for sure though - laughter helps.