Happy Thanksgiving

We have so much to be thankful for this year and every single day. I know there are people all around us who are struggling with one thing or another, so I'm even more conscious of the fact that right now we are nothing but blessed. I am so very thankful to have a happy, healthy family.


And we're both thankful for a kid who enthusiastically eats anything and everything we present to her!

(of course it helps that Grandma is a phenomenal cook!)

My blogging inferiority complex

I am finally ready to admit one of the big reasons that I don't write in my blog frequently. I have an inferiority complex! I have a handful of friends and acquaintances who have blogs and they write really, really well. Not just cutesy, funny, anecdotal stuff here and there (although there's plenty of that) but great, profound, really lovely things. All of the time. It's times like this that I wish my competitive streak/jealousy tendencies would die!
Every time I start to compose a blog entry in my head, I'm rarely satisfied enough to follow through. I literally will get hung up on my opening and closing sentences, my overall approach, my waning vocabulary, etc. I struggle immensely with whether what I have to say is even remotely interesting, let alone relevant or thought provoking!
Back to my complex - my blogging friends write beautifully! Some are downright poetic and truly moving. I also worry that I'll inadvertently plagiarize one of them somehow. A few of them are fellow new moms who are experiencing some of the same things I am (or will) and I just think they are somehow always going to say it better/more cleverly/more eloquently than I ever could.
*sigh*
Get over it, Janine. Right? I know that's what I should say to myself. And I know that writing is like most other things; the more you do it, the better you'll become at it. I have always been this way with writing, though. I remember sitting up late into the night over English homework in high school, too stressed out to even begin writing a paper because I couldn't come up with a stellar first sentence. I would labor so much over just putting pen to paper to get started.
The reason I started this blog in the first place was to document this transition into my life as a parent and to have something permanent for Sadie (and future sibling/s?) as a record of this incredible journey of parenthood. But as I read other people's blogs - even the other "parenting" ones - I'm struck that it can be so much more than that. I know enough not to air my dirty laundry here, but I do see it as a huge outlet for musings on all sorts of things; not just "a day in the life" type of stuff.
For example, I read a ton of really great posts surrounding the recent election, and I feel that I should have put more of my thoughts down about it. I'm certain someday I'll wonder what I was doing/thinking/experiencing during this historic time, and I don't have much. I actually feel guilty about that! Crazy.
Anyway, let me just stop this whining right now with a shout out to K-Lo, Crystal, B.c., Gillian, Nicole, and Melissa for your wonderful blogs (as well as countless others belonging to complete strangers that I've stumbled upon). I'm inspired and blessed to read your words. Thanks for sharing and for providing the impetus for me to get a little more serious about this.

Past and Present

First of all, a belated Happy 90th Birthday to my Grandmother, Harriette. You are such a positive spirit and a treasure to all who know you. It was our honor to celebrate with you.




Secondly, happy 40th anniversary to my parents. My siblings and I pulled off an excellent surprise party complete with out-of-town guests, similar floral arrangements, pictures, etc.



Four of their wedding party members were in attendance; two of whom flew in from out of town. (the women, of course!) So Margaret Ann and Suzy - thank you! Your being there made it so very special. I was particularly pleased to see the pictures of spin-the-bottle from 5th grade. Priceless.


I did some research about 1968 in order to have some talking points during the party, as well as to throw in a little bit of trivia during my toast. When I pulled up a list of events from 1968, I was appalled - partially at my ignorance of some of it but mostly by the sheer number of awful things that were going on that year. I got most of my information from one of my favorite websites, Wikipedia. I came away from it with two main focuses. First, I'm so glad that something happy did happen in 1968: my parents got engaged and married. Secondly, the current Gay Rights/Marriage Equality issue is the Civil Rights movement of our generation, and I need to get involved. But I'll save that for another post.

Election Day 2008

I voted.
I voted for Barack Obama.
I voted because I believe we need change.
I voted because I know that there are people who desperately want to but can't.
I voted because I know that there are people who think it wouldn't matter if they do or not.
I voted because I want America to pull together and get back on the road of progress.
I voted because I want to see strides being made for peace, equality and social justice.
I voted because I want good health care and great education for my daughter.
I voted because I believe I need to protect my reproductive rights.
I voted because I want separation of Church and State.
I voted because I know that it matters.
I voted for Barack Obama.
I voted.

some serious sadness

Forgive me for being a bit depressing, but I need an outlet for some big life/death thoughts and hey, it's my blog, right?
*sigh*
It's been a long year of really sad and tragic events for quite a few people I know. A number of friends of mine have suffered completely senseless and utterly devastating losses lately and it's kind of doing a number on me. I just keep wondering,

"how could something like this happen to him/her?" and
"what's keeping these things from happening to me/my family?"

I'm really not good with the whole death thing in general, and while it's immensely inspiring to see people's faith in there being something greater after our physical bodies are gone, I personally really struggle with what I believe in regard to all of that. I have said numerous times this year "Oh my god, I would not be able to go on if that happened to my sister/brother/mom/husband/child" and someone always responds, "Oh, yes you would. You'd have to, and you just would." Well, I'm not so sure about that. I have an extremely vivid imagination and I've imagined losing a sibling or Andrew or Sadie and I get a knot in my stomach, a burning lump in my throat and tears in my eyes just thinking about it, so I really can't imagine what I'd do if I did lose someone close to me.
I don't want to think about it, but for some reason, I feel like I'm past the point of being able to trip merrily along in my life as if I don't have a care in the world. It's like with each passing day lately, I'm made more and more profoundly aware of (and you'll have to excuse the glaring cliche here) how precious life is.

So there's the lesson, right? I'm supposed to see all this tremendous heartache and suffering around me and then be more grateful for all that I have, right? Sure. I get that. But it still sucks. There, I said it. It just sucks so so so very much that my friend lost her sister and nephew, my friend lost her mom, my friend lost one of her sons, my friend lost her brother, my friend miscarried her first baby, etc. I definitely feel fortunate that I haven't been struck with an acute tragedy (yet?) but I find it very hard to be the sunny, upbeat person that I like to be when there is so much pain happening all around me.
I suppose it just goes with the whole "growing up" thing. Okay, I'm an adult. I'm married, I have a child. It's not about me anymore; I have the ultimate responsibility now. I get it. But I just feel like someone turned up the intensity knob on life. It's as if I'm hearing the refrain "enjoy it while you've got it" over and over again in my head. And I know that's a valuable lesson, but I resent it! It feels heavy and gloomy and ominous. It makes me just that much more stressed about what could happen at any given moment to knock my life off the happy track that I've been riding for so long.

So...*sigh*...what am I getting at? I don't know. This is essentially just a brain dump and a major ramble. I know that we never know what's around the corner for us and we shouldn't take a single moment of our lives for granted, so I guess I just need to try to live life to the fullest and make sure that my loved ones know how very much I love them. It sounds so dramatic, doesn't it? That's just the headspace I'm in right now. And after all, even though I went to a heartwrenching funeral today, I also just celebrated my grandma's 90th birthday yesterday.

Clearly life can be very long and full so I guess I'll try to focus on that.

Must. Do. More. Of. This.

This past Saturday, Andrew suggested we all go to the beach. I was floored and totally thrilled. We've been saying for months now that we need to hit the beach with Sadie, and this impromptu suggestion was perfect!
Here's a short video of her first real experience in sand.

Instead of being slaves to her nap, we put her in the car and hoped she'd sleep on the way to Pescadero. That only worked until we got on the windy part of Highway 84. She was pretty annoyed at being tossed back and forth for 20 miles. Lunch in Pescadero made us all feel better and then we headed out to San Gregorio State Beach. It was overcast but quite warm, so we played in the sand and let the waves lap our feet and ankles. Sadie loved it and I took a ton of photos. This is my favorite:


It was deeply satisfying to sit by the ocean and watch them together. I breathed deeply, gazed at the ocean and my family and spoke my silent thanks to the universe. I could go on and on, but I'll just say that it was awesome to see Andrew playing with her and enjoying her wonderment of the sand and sea. He was all smiles and said more than once that we need to do stuff like this more often.
Check.

Recent Adventures

I'm starting to neglect the blog again, so here's a recap of the last month:

We took a trip to Atascadero for Labor Day Weekend to visit with my high school friend Chris and his wife Janna, who have a little girl who is exactly a week younger than Sadie. It was a nice trip - lots of good food and conversation. Things got a little heated during the late night poker and domino games, but that's normal, right? Tilla and her man (also Chris) came as well, so they and Andrew got their biking fix on Sunday, and we all headed out to Montana de Oro State Beach on Monday. Great to get a dose of the ocean - it was fiercely windy and storm-like out on the bluffs. Good fun.


On the 13th, I played in a grass volleyball tournament in Sunnyvale which was organized by a friend of mine from my Nordstrom days. I had team "practice" with them the prior 2 Tuesdays, and while I anticipated being a little rusty and certainly plenty sore - I had no idea what was to come. My knees were hurting so badly by the second match, that I seriously could have cried. I ended up spraining my ankle, taping it and playing the rest of the day, but it was not pretty. I literally hobbled to the car when Andrew came to pick me up. I wish I were exaggerating. My ankle was bruised and swollen for a few days and my knees recovered in about 36 hours. Oh, and I was sore all over (but like I said - that I had expected.) Long story short, I feel it was the wake-up call I've been needing to push me to make an appointment with a PT to find out once and for all what's up with my knees and get some strengthening exercises assigned to do. I know I'm out of shape, but I'm not ready to be decrepit at 33.

A few days after that, we headed out to Colorado to visit with Meghan, Michael and their 2 boys, Brogan (3) and Kelton (8 months). We had an awesome time with them, as usual. Great food - Meghan is the consummate hostess, and Michael does waffles and french toast like nobody's business. It was total immersion - we just joined their family for a few days; no pretense, no tip-toeing around one another. They are of the "it takes a village" philosophy of parenting, so that's incredibly refreshing. Brogan is an amazingly mature 3 year old (just turned on August 26th) and he did an impressive job with sharing and watching out for Sadie & Kelton. He's got great manners (please, thank you, bless you, excuse me, I'm sorry, etc.) and will bust out with the cutest sentences here and there. "mom?" Yeah, buddy? "I like you." I like you too, buddy. "mom?" Yo. "You're the best mom in the whole world." Yeah - stuff like that. It was a fun sneak peek into what is to come.
Here's the 3 of them on the couch:

We took a trip to Tiny Town, which was pretty fun, too. Since Meghan's and my friendship really took off over pen & paper back in 1992-1993, we thought a picture by the Post Office building would be cute.


My former volleyball coach (the wonderful one, not the evil one) lives 2 streets away from M & M, so Andrew and I took off for a day with them on Friday the 19th. We ended up going to Golden Gate Canyon State Park for a hike and picnic lunch, which was a perfect way to spend the day. Mary and I got to catch up




and Andrew and Jon had tons to talk about, too.
Their youngest son Tim brought a friend, and the family's 2 black labs Smokey and Bear joined us. We took a picture at a great look-out point where you can see the Continental Divide:

All in all, it was a wonderful trip and we feel really lucky to be able to travel to visit friends. We know it's a luxury and there are many more of you we'd like to see, so stay tuned.