Ugh.
Sadie starts preschool in a month and I think I am ready to have a break from her a couple of times a week. God, that sounds awful. I think we're ready for a break from each other a couple of times a week? Still sounds bad.
I am having a tougher time with Sadie these days that I care to admit. I don't think she's doing anything abnormal, but I seem to have completely lost my patience when it comes to dealing with her.
I sometimes start the day with her by telling her NOT to do something (dribble her cereal and milk all over her placemat, get in Lilah's face, etc.) and it makes me feel terrible. This morning I woke up to her shrieks of delight in the living room. Turns out she was playing with a balloon with Andrew. I quickly showered and joined them with Lilah, but my first interaction with Sadie was to tell her "not too loud! back off!" when she greeted her sister a bit too energetically.
It certainly doesn't help that she seems to have entered a very whiney and weepy phase for a couple of months now. I feel like I can only say "please don't whine" a certain number of times (in a row!) without completely losing my mind. And she's on some weird "I can't" kick lately- whether it's pulling down her shorts & undies to go pee or putting a cap back on a pen. I have had the "yes you can, babe! you're a kid and you're learning how to do these things. You are awesome and you can do anything!" talk with her a number of times but it doesn't seem to be working.
And oh. my. GOD. She cries all of the time! The Child Who Never Cried has turned into a waterworks fountain. I can't remember the last tear-free bed time routine we've had; it's been a while. I always chalk that up to her being too tired, but that excuse is beginning to wear on me. She cries when I brush her hair, which has become more difficult due to the wear & tear of chlorine & goggles in swimming lessons.
Man, this is sounding like such a pathetic rant. I should just stop now. I have such an aversion to complaining about being a stay-at-home-mom because I know that I'm incredibly lucky to be able to do it and that this time is seriously fleeting, but I just had to today.
Okay, done.
Preschool. Bring it on.
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3 comments:
There is NOTHING wrong with wanting a break from your kids. NOTHING. O goes to a sitter every Monday morning because I couldn't take the all-O-all-the-time channel anymore. And I'm thinking about sending him one more morning - just because.
Be kind to yourself. You and she have both had a big change. You're not getting as much sleep as you were 6 months ago, and I've learned that patience and sleep go hand in hand. More sleep = more patience.
I have no suggestions, but lots of love, and all the support you need. :-)
I am going to have to call you and chat... and tell you how much the experience of having that new baby did a number on our older one too - and then how it gets so much better (in a few months... :-) - and how OFCOURSE they make you crazy and how hard it is with the baby and the sleep and the everything. I felt all the same things you did and people told me that it would get better and it did. This is the hardest part that I experienced is where you are right now. But it does get easier and soon. xoxox
awww, janine. you are being too hard on yourself. it is such a huge adjustment going from a family of three to a family of four. and i think it is most difficult for mama since well, we are burdened with guilt whereas your first born will adjust and be fine. sharing mommy is tough but soon, very soon... they will be playing together and you will have a few seconds to take a breath. not a deep one, mind you... ;-) it will be fine. really. and if you scream & yell & lose your sanity for a few minutes or a few days... it's ok too. i do it all the time. ALL the time. goes with the territory... xo
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