Bun is ONE!

argh...meant to post this yesterday...


4:43 PM April 9th, 2010 took a loooooooooooooooooong time to arrive. I am one of the lucky ones who loves being pregnant and really had a glorious second pregnancy, minus a bit of heartburn. I am one of the unlucky ones whose labors are very long. I'm talking 40+ hours long. Yeah. LONG.

I think the "worst" of it was that I was dilated to 9cm for about 8 hours (!) until finally someone (I honestly don't remember who) said "why don't we make certain that her water is broken?" and POW! out she shot in about 180 seconds. I remember so vividly being utterly incredulous at the increase in pain that coursed through me in those moments. The HOLY SH*T THIS IS IT realization hit me like a truck. I remember the wild fear and panic and desperation that I completely succumbed to with only my doula's eyes to stare into, only her hands to clutch with all of my might. All of those serene, strong mantras from the hypno-birthing CD went right out the window at that point.

I CAN'T DO THIS!
Yes, you can.
NO I CAN'T!
Yes, you can. Janine, you're doing it.
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD. . .

It is beyond ironic that Andrew had just left my side only for a few minutes; the same few minutes when that someone (who was it?!) decided to break my water. Yes, he missed Lilah's entrance into the world. It could be funny except it's not. But it's not tragic either, though. I think I've done a pretty good job at being okay with this cruel fact because I think I believe in things happening for a reason. And I think it might have been pretty traumatic for him to witness me in the throes of primal, guttural sounds and emotions of the last few seconds of labor. But let's be honest - what is my option in terms of how to deal with that? Be bitter for the rest of my life? No thanks. It only hurts when I really really really think about it - and when I recently heard that my friend's husband got to catch his newborn son last month. Can't think of anything more awesome than that for a man to do. Really can't.

Anyway, he was there seconds later - the pictures prove it - and we cried and smiled and kissed and pressed our sweaty foreheads together - our hearts pounding in unison as we gazed down at our new, perfect love. Our new baby girl. Another girl! Another daughter! A new soul for our family and for the universe.

Her birth is without a shadow of a doubt the Thing I Am Most Proud Of In My Life. No drugs. The real deal. I allowed myself to want that kind of birth which is, to say the least, not honored/suggested/supported/etc. in today's birthing culture. I'll admit it. I wanted it. I wanted it badly. I was determined to "join that club" even though women are sort of denied bragging rights (for lack of a better term) about natural birth because it's considered insensitive to women who choose not to/can't/didn't have one. The whole "you don't get a medal" mentality for having an unmedicated birth is so common and while I understand it, I find it pretty annoying. The difference between Sadie's and Lilah's births are night and day. Okay I'd better move on before this turns into a serious rant!

Lilah is such a special girl. She's loud. She's demanding. She's daring. She's not easy to please. She's aggressive. She's fast. She's a very quick study. She is an impressive mimic. She snuggles. She's the definition of a Daddy's girl. She doesn't need as much sleep as the rest of us do, apparently. She is her own little person with her own big agenda and she will have no trouble navigating through her life, there's no doubt about it.

(click on picture to see larger)

Happy 1st birthday to my baby. She is a joy to behold and I could not be more proud to be her mama.