2 years, 8 months and 9 days

That's the age difference between Sadie and Lilah.

I know I read somewhere in a child development book that 2 and a half years is a great age difference to aim for when having a second baby. I guess the emotional and cognitive stages that the older child is in by then are the most conducive to introducing a sibling. In our case, it seems accurate.

Everyone says that the minute you have your second child, your first child seems like a giant. So true. The first time I picked Sadie up after having Lilah, I experienced that mind warp. I had carried her into her room and tucked her into bed on the eve of her sister's birth, and about 24 hours later, she climbed onto my lap and leaned (towered) sweetly over the tiny bundle who had joined our family.

Now as I sit on the couch nursing Lilah, I marvel at my big girl as she bounds around the room pretending to be a jaguar or a butterfly, or "reading" books or narrating as she plays with her toys. Her vocabulary continues to astound me and Andrew, as does her imagination and creativity. Just yesterday I bought her a couple of plastic figurines of her choosing: a horse and a T-Rex, whom she promptly named Skork and Morla. She's particularly creative with names, which was super funny when we were trying to come up with names for Bun.

I am so grateful that she's so verbal and communicative. I don't know what I'd do if she was too young to express herself or let us know what she is thinking or feeling. Certainly this transition would be about a thousand times more difficult, which would be no fun for anyone. She also has lots of empathy and concern for Lilah - something that a younger child might not be capable of. When Lilah cries, Sadie says "maybe she needs some mama's milk" or "maybe her guts aren't feeling good". She calls her honey and sweetie and Lilah-kins and says "it's okay, baby. Mommy's coming."

We are still getting to know Lilah. She's a very different infant than Sadie was, and we are adjusting to her preferences - especially when it comes to sleep. She seems to hate being swaddled, so we have stopped that for now. It makes putting her down a bit trickier, but it was breaking my heart to see her struggle and cry. She's very vocal (aka a bit of a screamer...yikes) so we're trying very diligently to figure out what she prefers so that she gets her needs met and can trust our intentions when we're soothing her. She is starting to coo and gurgle and smile more, which is awesome. It's so rewarding, especially after some intense crying.

At this moment, both girls are in Sadie's room, where big sister is "reading" to little sister. It will be a while before they can play together or talk to each other, but I really hope that their age difference will remain "just right" for their relationship. So far, so good.

The Adjustment to Two - ha ha ha ha!

This whole Mom of Two thing has got me spinning a little bit. Sometimes I just start laughing.

Like today at the park as I'm putting Sadie's sunscreen on so that she could play safely on the playground where I can keep my eye on her while I nurse Lilah, when I hear the unmistakable squirt of a diaper malfunction & the ensuing cry of an infant who needs to be changed-like, now.

Or when I'm packing up to leave the house and I'm somehow balancing two diaper bags, the carseat with Lilah in it, one of Sadie's dolls/blankets/toys, my coffee, keys, purse and cell phone as I squeeze out the back door - hoping I don't drop something or worse - trip.

I mean, I'm not completely scrambling around getting nothing done, but I do feel a constant pull in different directions - toward my talkative, inquisitive toddler who needs her hair brushed and shoes tied and comes up with questions like "what do llamas eat?" out of thin air - and toward my tiny one month old, who just needs to nurse, be held, sleep and have a clean diaper.

I'm one of four siblings and I know this is basically the mother of all cliches (pun intended) but seriously - "how did she DO it?" It rings in my head several times daily. I know some people hypothesize that it was somehow easier 35+ years ago, but I don't care what anyone says about the convenience of disposable diapers or automatic swings, etc. - caring for more than one small child is not easy. Not. Easy.

Did I say impossible? No.
Has it made me reconsider our original plan to have three? Yes.

Can I handle it? Well, that's what I'm doing so far. Check back in on me to see how I'm doing and I'll let you know. ;)

One thing I know for sure though - laughter helps.

Life is *so* good.

Here I sit, on the eve of my 35th birthday, and I can't help but reflect and take stock on my good, good, life.

Two beautiful daughters.
A loving, supportive and appreciative husband.
Family calling and coming over to spend time with us.
Friends bringing us dinner.
Friends visiting to ooh and aah over our wee one.
Sweet little packages arriving in the mail from far and wide.
Hand written cards with lovely, joyful messages to our little family.

Big Sister Sadie is taking beyond beautifully to her new role.
Little Lilah is sleeping 4+ hour stretches at 2 weeks old.
Dishes are getting done, laundry hasn't piled up too badly yet.

Sure, I'm a little tired but oh, so full. So full of love energy.

Today I took time for chalk drawings and reading insect books with Sadie while Lilah snoozed.

Our days creep by; sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly. I am loving the opportunity to just soak it in and spend my time doing nothing but caring for my family.

I gaze adoringly at Sadie while she stands on her stool to talk to Lilah as she lies on her changing table. I watch with intense pride as she kisses her brow and talks sweetly to her sister - using a new, high pitched but very soft voice. I share her amusement as she tells me what Lilah is doing or thinking at any given moment.

I smile reflexively when my milk drunk babe's mouth twitches into an involuntary but deliciously organic smile. She is happy. She is basking in this new world, this new experience; this warmth of love we give her unconditionally. It is feeding her little soul and keeping her at peace. I can feel it; her 8.5 pound body "heavy"in my arms.

Oh, life is just *so* good.

Bun is Born!

She's here!

Lilah Frances Evans joined us at 4:43 on Friday April 9th, 2010 (although she wasn't named until Sunday morning). She was a full 12 days past her "due date". Maybe we should have named her Patience. ;)

She weighed in at a modest 7 pounds and 13 ounces and was measured at 19 and a half inches.

It was another marathon labor and delivery. Who says second babies come faster? I was up at 5 am on Thursday with irregular but intense contractions which continued throughout the day and into the evening. We put Sadie to bed at about 8:30 and decided to commit to getting labor going in earnest.

Boy howdy.

Long story short, I labored at home with Andrew and our FABULOUS friend and doula extraordinaire, Kerri Kastle until about 3 AM. Unfortunately, I was struggling. I was shaking, having hot & cold spells, and vomiting after particularly long/hard contractions. Off to the hospital we went.

I was stoked to learn that I was at 6cm once we were all checked in and assigned a room. By 8:00 am, I was at 8.5 cm and ready to meet this baby.

Apparently my womb is a pretty chill place, because Bun did not want to come out. We finally allowed a Pitocin drip, which kicked my contractions up a few notches (I don't want to talk about it) but the baby still was not "coming down". Eventually someone had the genius idea to break my water, which put me into overdrive and she literally shot out in 2 pushes. It was INSANE. But I survived. ( I'm not gonna lie; those last few minutes there, I kinda thought I might die.)

So there you have it. There are more details, etc. but I needed to post something before more time slips by.

We are hunkering down and trying to figure out this family of 4 thing. Big Sister Sadie is amazingly sweet and excited about Lilah, and the little one is sleeping and eating like a complete champ.

We are blessed and we know it.

more pictures at j9evans.shutterfly.com

in the last few days before our Bun arrives...

I thought I'd post a few pictures of our little family of 3 before this baby arrives (who is currently 10 days "late")
Here we go:

Daddy + swing = happy girl!

Walking with Uncle Justin and Daddy

Sadie with her cousins Lucy and Annie on Easter

40 weeks and 8 days

a kiss from big sis

when it's 75 degrees in March...

you've just got to:

Good or Goody Two Shoes?

"Is she always this...sweet?" asked the lady at the hospital gift shop when Sadie calmly put the toys back on the shelf when I told her it was time to go.

"She" would be Sadie, and the answer is...um, yes.

My question is, Is that unequivocally a good thing?

I keep hearing about and witnessing nightmare toddler meltdowns but for some reason we just haven't been hit with those. Yet. I keep saying "yet" when it comes up because I don't want to jinx myself.

So far, we have not seen the Jekyll/Hyde phenomenon of when a 2-3 year old simply loses it over some seemingly insignificant thing like being offered the "wrong" towel after bath time or cutting apple slices instead of giving it whole, etc. (knock on wood)

Don't get me wrong - she does get frustrated when she "can't" do something like get the cap snapped back on her marker, or untangle the string from her Trader Joe's balloon. In instances like those, she has strained her voice and stamped her feet, but I just tell her, "Hey, don't freak out - do you want me to help you?" (sometimes yes, sometimes no) and it's done.

She also has what I would consider a pretty normal amount of difficulty with adversity. If a kid takes something away from her or gets on the gym/playground equipment that she had her eye on, she will sometimes burst into tears. Again, though - she's so easy to calm down or distract that it never really amounts to anything.

I'm starting to wonder if maybe I'm making her into too much of a "pleaser" and somehow stifling the need we all have sometimes to "lose it" over something that, although most others can't understand, is important to us in the moment. All of the research I've seen says that kids this age simply need the little storms to get over things that upset them - that the release is good for their development, both cognitively and emotionally.

Am I suppressing that innate need for her? I know that she picks up most of her ideas from me, as I'm with her basically 24/7, so I need to keep myself in check so that she doesn't automatically acquire all of my opinions, judgments, feelings, etc. She's very in-tune and doesn't miss much. If I so much as sigh in frustration at say, having missed a green light, she is right behind me, asking "what, mommy, what?"

Just the other day, we were in Babies R Us shopping for a couple of friends' upcoming baby showers and a very young girl (about a year old, give or take) was wailing. Sadie said, "she's crying, mama. She's crying." Yes, honey, she is. "Why is she crying, mama?" I'm not sure honey, I said, while quickly wheeling our cart away so that the other mom wouldn't be self-conscious. Maybe she's tired, or hungry or wants to be held.

Sadie thought about it for a second and then said, "Or maybe she's just being a brat."

Um, gulp.

When did I "teach" her that (sometimes) crying is being a brat? I honestly don't remember doing that, but I must have said it about someone, somewhere, sometime. Maybe I'm laying on the "be a good girl/nice girl" thing way too thick. I know that at some point in my early years, a mantra that my mom bestowed on me was that "a nice girl is a pretty girl; a pretty girl isn't always a nice girl." Good advice, on the face of it, I think. But I'd be lying if I said I haven't wondered over the years why I am obsessed with people liking me and why all of my mad crushes turned into best friend-type friendships versus boyfriends.

I guess there's my answer - only time will tell. But I'm still going to try to watch what kinds of lessons I'm inadvertently teaching her about how to behave - especially when she's upset.

Any advice, mamas out there?