with one week to go...

I'm officially 39 weeks pregnant and it's kind of funny to see the reactions on people's faces when I tell them that I'm due "next weekend". Hee.

I don't think I've "dropped" yet. I'm not waddling or icing my back for sciatica or anything like that. I am, however, having a bit of difficulty sleeping. Not because of discomfort, but because once I wake up, I can't settle my mind back down.

Labor looms.

You see, I'm super duper ultra incredibly whole-heartedly determined to birth this baby without a bunch of medically unnecessary interventions. I keep telling people that sure, if my L&D had gone smoothly last time, epidural included, I'd probably be on board to do it again that way.

But it didn't.

With Sadie, I labored at home for something like 16 hours - from waking up at 4 am with the most intense cramping I've ever felt to progressing to the point of vomiting after really big contractions by about 2 PM. By 8:00 that night I decided to go in - mostly thinking that getting an IV for hydration would be wise. To say that I was discouraged to learn that I'd only dilated 3 cm when I finally did check in is a gross understatement. I didn't realize that my mind and body would freeze up and "stop" my labor once I got crossed the threshold of the automatic doors at the hospital.

Let me tell you that being told at 6:00 AM - after 24 hours of laboring successfully with Andrew and our awesome doula - that I was "no longer in active labor" and my "choices were A) go home or B) get induced to get labor going again" was not cool.
I now know with firsthand experience that first babies normally, naturally and typically take a really really long time. Oh, how I wish I'd had the wisdom and fearlessness to say really? you want me to go home or let you pump me full of chemicals that will give me artificial and insanely, mind-bogglingly more painful, artificial "contractions"?! Okay, see ya! and walked out the door.

But, alas.

I was 12 days "late", and scheduled for what I thought was a mandatory induction in less than 48 hours anyway. I caved and let them start the pitocin drip. I still can't adequately describe the blinding and utterly shocking difference in the quality and quantity of pain I experienced between my own, natural contractions, and the ones that kept coming wave after wave through that little plastic tube into my arm. I lasted about 2 hours on that before starting to vomit again. And again. And again.

Frustration times a million. Tears. Profanity. White-knuckling the tray I was bent over for support. Defeat.

Epidural. (after 2 unsuccessful attempts - don't even get me started on that)

Brief numbness. 2 hour nap. Needed that. Wake up to dead, heavy legs and pain, pain, pain in my abdomen at every contraction (which are coming one after another now, as they cranked up the pitocin while I was asleep) Unable to move or change my position was surreal. Almost claustrophobic in a way. Not to mention frightening as the pain progressed and the staff tried to figure out what to do. It's not a good feeling knowing that the head of Anesthesia has been called for a conference in the hallway outside your room.

Talk of C-Section. But how to numb me? I have a well-documented but rare, funky allergy to anesthesia(s) - specifically one used in "quick/emergency type surgeries". Anesthesiologist has concocted a special serum just for me, just for this scenario.
But I don't want a C-Section. No.

Andrew almost shouts, Everyone can just STOP saying C-Section RIGHT NOW.

I love my husband. Oh how I love my husband.

Meanwhile, my mom has been insisting that someone check my progress for several hours, to no avail.

Can't I push yet? Will someone please check me to see if I can push yet?
Finally someone checks. "Oh, she's at 10." Looks at me, surprised for some reason. "Would you like to try pushing on your next contra-"

YYYYEEEEESSSS! And Sadie emerged at 9 and a half pounds about an hour later. Indescribable relief, exhaustion.
And love at first sight, of course.

So, yeah. Labor looms. In both good and bad ways.

I think I'm equal parts eager/excited and anxious/worried. I'm trying hard to find time each day to calm my mind and think deeply on the fact that I can do this. It's just too bad that these moments seem to come in the middle of the night when I wake up to roll over or get up to go to the bathroom...again. The variables attributed to second and subsequent births make it hard for me to feel totally confident and prepared, but I'm working on it.

I know that I'm not reinventing the wheel. I love the simple, beautiful fact that millions upon millions of women have done and continue to do this every single hour of every single day all over the world. (just not-so-much in America! the stats on birth in this country are astounding, but I won't get into that)
Suffice it to say that I only know a handful of women in my own social circle who have done it. So to me, in a way, it's a prestigious club that I admit - I want to join.
Yeah, I've heard the whole "you don't get a medal" rationale, and I already know not to allow myself to feel like a failure if I don't manage to do it, but still...

I really, really, want to. That's all there is to it.

Then and Now

Bean Belly Paint (Sadie) July 2007

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Bun Belly Paint (yet to be named) March 2010

Jenny's Light Kids Fun Run - Sunday, March 7th

Great cause, great weather, great fun!
Sadie had an absolute blast "wunning the wace". The ribbon and water bottle were icing on the cake.
:)
Here are our pics:

Pre-race with Aunt Jill and Aunt JoJo

Nervous?

Mama and Sadie

aaaaaand, they're off!

bringing up the rear - 2nd to last!

The Finish Line is in sight!

my ribbon for "wunning the wace!"

Celebrating with a bagel.

Does YOUR Nana do this?!

I have to do some bragging here.

Sadie's Nana (Andrew's mom) has struck again and I just have to share her latest awesomeness. She sends stickers and cards in the mail like countless other long-distance grandmothers do, but our Nana takes it a few steps further. For example, here's a letter she sent to Sadie last May.

After having been here for a visit at the beginning of February - when she spent every waking hour playing with and reading to Sadie - except when she was cleaning our stove top and toaster oven (!?!?!) she went home and created this:






She's probably going to be embarrassed that I posted this, but it's too wonderful not to show off, in my opinion. I think she was inspired by one of the library books that Sadie wanted to read ad nauseum called "I Like it When" and she may want to credit a friend or two of hers who are uber creative and helped her start making these special projects, but whatever - the bottom line is that she took the time to do this for Sadie. It blows me away and I had to document it.

I know it's really hard on her being so far away from Andrew and Sadie, and I know that she thinks of these things as simple little tokens, but I think we all know that they are SO much more. I can't get into the scrap booking thing, and I've even slacked on Sadie's baby book, so to me - these are treasures. I have to come up with an airtight system to save/store/protect them so that they will last a lifetime.

Sadie is so blessed to have all 4 grandparents alive and full of love for her. They each bring something unique and wonderful into her life. And it certainly doesn't hurt that one of them just so happens to be a retired schoolteacher! Wouldn't you agree?

oh, blog - how I miss thee!

I am in blog withdrawal!

Our office (aka desk, my computer, etc.) is not set up at our new place yet so I haven't been able to upload photos or sit and compose any posts lately. (well, I've started a couple draft-posts, so those will eventually show up, out of order, but I digress...)

Andrew's computer is on the floor in the living room, and while I have been checking it for email, I usually can't/won't stay there for very long, as it's pretty uncomfortable for me at this stage of the game.

I wanted to at least send a shout out to anyone who reads this to say "hi" and "no, I haven't dropped off the face of the Earth!"

I will post soon - I have some great shots of Sadie to share, as well as some sweet ones of Bun (in the belly).

xoxo
Janine

Missed Opportunity?

This is just what Sadie did one day when we stopped in to find a maternity shirt for me. She was talking to the little girl mannequin, trying to hold her hand, etc.
At first I was embarrassed, thinking "oh, man...my kid needs some more friends!" but then I realized she was just imagining and pretending and having fun. So I busted out my camera and started clicking.
Apparently, Old Navy was having a contest for a mannequin/human model poses. If I'd known, I think I might have submitted a couple of these.

Sadie's Half Birthday present...to me.

Today is Sadie's half-birthday.
She surprised me by softly calling "Mama?" at 6:55 AM - a good 2 hours earlier than her normal wake-up time. I went in to her room, admittedly hoping that I'd be able to adjust her blanket and tell her it was still night time, despite the dawn light. She had other plans. She asked, "can we have a little snuggle?" so off to the couch we went.
I tried to position myself as comfortably as possible, which was tricky - how do you get cozy with with a toddler splayed out on an 8-month-pregnant belly?

We managed.

We even both fell asleep for a little while.

Two and a half.
In so many ways, she seems older than that. She's always been tall, but recently it seems that she's maturing at an astounding pace. She has so much to say, such thoughtful observations, a keen interest in new vocabulary, a great deal of empathy, and what appears to be a genuine interest in what life has to offer. She has dropped her afternoon nap, but we are still doing "quiet time", which usually amounts to a couple of hours worth of her happily chirping away with her stuffed animals in her crib.
We know that when Bun arrives, Sadie is going to look and seem like a giant!
But holding her relaxed, sleeping body across mine this morning allowed me to savor these precious few days I have left with her as my "baby".